Did my love of journalism die out?

So I was reading the local school newspaper today and lo and behold I saw a letter from an old flame of mine from halfway around the world. She was documenting her experiences in a small city on the Nile River Valley and I wondered why the heck she was still writing for the paper despite the fact that she graduated in May. When I am gone from CU, I am gone. I will be moving away from Colorado for a long time and I have no reason to stick around. I realized something else when I was reading about her experiences. She is a graduate with a Journalism degree (and Poli Sci) but she was not actually doing such work as her career. I was seeing the effects of the death of the journalism industry and I realized that my love for the art and for her in a way died with this letter. It felt like I was going full circle with this saga.

When she told me at the end of March that we were not friends, it was as if she took a spear and struck me strategically in the heart. I was absolutely devastated and it is something that I did not tell her at all. I did not think that it would bother me, but her actions continued to do so. I was not sure what to tell her or how to tell her that she was very attractive to me (mainly due to the fact that she was ambitious) or that she had changed my worldview. I did not know what to think. I was jealous, mad, sad, but most of all, depressed. She finally got rid of me once and for all and it was a heavy burden off my shoulders.

When her letter came out today, I did not think that it would bother me. All I cared about was if she was fine or not. Despite all the hurt that she put me through, she sparked my love for journalism. That has since died because I found that I am not as good as people might think I am. Since that part of my life did not take off, I think I will stick to blogging (which I am better at) and writing books (which I am better at) and now doing some video blogging.

As many of you know, I will be naming a very tall building after her and I am giving her family a permanent board position at the Hite Media Corporation. I am also ensuring that she gets everything that she ever wanted with a fund that will be financed through revenues generated from that very same building. That will be more than enough for her to appreciate me. I feel bad that she had to put up with me, but she taught me a lot about life, her passions, and her support. For that, I will make sure that she gets what she deserves. I find it ironic, however, that the very same building that is named after her will be the place that many newspapers come and die. I will kill her industry and she will make a lot of money due to it. She might be mad at me for it and she might not appreciate it, but it is one of my goals in life to give back to those people that have given to me.

I don’t think that I am a bad journalist, but I am better at other things and I should cultivate the things that I am good at. What is chump change compared to my happiness? Is anyone or anything really that important that the happiness of the individual is compromised? I want to know what I am really good at, and I think that this is narrowing because of the circumstances of my life.