In the 21st century, authoritarianism has many faces. North Korea’s brutality is well-known. Eritrea’s isolationism makes headlines. Myanmar’s civil war continues to draw condemnation. But there’s a place so surreal, so absurd, so overlooked, it defies categorization.
That place is Turkmenistan—a nation sculpted from desert and delusion, soaked in gas money and governed by a dynasty of men who believe marble, music bans, and golden dogs will distract the world from their brutal control.
Today, we step inside a country often called the “North Korea of Central Asia,” but that moniker may not go far enough. This is a deep dive into the most bizarre dictatorship on Earth—a country where books are launched into space, black cars are banned, and your internet connection comes with a government loyalty oath.
Life Without Freedom
According to Freedom House, Turkmenistan ranks lower than nearly any other country on Earth—including North Korea. Tied with South Sudan at the very bottom of the Freedom Index, Turkmenistan is not merely undemocratic; it is functionally a prison state.
Freedom of movement? Restricted. Freedom of expression? Virtually nonexistent. Independent media? Banned.
In 2024, authorities banned foreign songs at weddings, urging guests to play only music in the Turkmen language—preferably by former President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov, whose bizarre songs praising the nation and his own leadership have become mandatory at many public gatherings.
One anonymous witness told outside media: “Everybody was terribly unhappy about how extensively the government is interfering in our private lives.”
This is a regime where even private moments—like your wedding playlist—are subject to surveillance, where “non-compliance” can mean arrest, and where the state decides what culture is.
The Architect of Madness – Saparmurat Niyazov
Turkmenistan’s surrealism didn’t begin with Berdimuhamedov. It began with Saparmurat Niyazov, the first president of independent Turkmenistan, who ruled from 1991 until his death in 2006.
Niyazov wasn’t just a dictator. He was a myth-maker, a man who rewrote history, renamed the days of the week after himself and his mother, and erected a 39-foot rotating golden statue of himself in the capital that always faced the sun.
He banned:
- Beards for young men
- Opera and ballet
- Gold teeth
- Recorded music on TV
- Car radios
- Dogs in the capital
- Smoking in public after he quit
He even suggested that Turkmens chew bones to strengthen their teeth—because that’s what dogs do.
All of this was enforced by a Ministry of Justice focused less on law and more on moral purity—a concept that included torture, forced disappearances, and indefinite detention for critics.
A Desert of Forgotten History
Turkmenistan’s strange present is rooted in a brutal past. It was conquered by Genghis Khan, subjected to slave raids by the Khanates, and colonized by the Russian Empire in the 19th century.
During the Soviet period, it was transformed from a tribal society into an industrial cog in the USSR machine—forced to produce cotton and gas for Moscow’s benefit. The Soviets built canals, pipelines, and collective farms. But they also stripped Turkmenistan of autonomy, faith, and its ancient nomadic culture.
When the USSR collapsed in 1991, Niyazov seized the vacuum, declared himself “President for Life,” and set about constructing an authoritarian fantasyland.
Ruhnama – The Holy Book of the State
To maintain his grip, Niyazov wrote and canonized a spiritual-political text called the Ruhnama, or “Book of the Soul.” He claimed it was divinely inspired and told his people:
“He who reads the Ruhnama three times will find spiritual wealth, become more intelligent, recognize the divine existence, and go straight to paradise.”
It was required reading in schools. You couldn’t get a job, a driver’s license, or attend university without passing exams based on it. In churches and mosques, the Ruhnama sat alongside the Bible and Quran.
In 2005, a copy was even launched into orbit, because, as state media claimed, “the book that conquered the hearts of millions on Earth is now conquering space.”
Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov – The Dictator as Pop Star
When Niyazov died in 2006, the country’s elites chose Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov, then Minister of Health, to lead. He promised reforms—and even made superficial changes, like reopening hospitals and softening some of Niyazov’s wilder policies.
But the cult of personality persisted. Berdimuhamedov:
- Starred in propaganda videos where he rides horses, DJs, raps, and shoots guns
- Wrote and performed songs praising the nation
- Built more white marble structures, making Ashgabat the most marble-covered city on Earth
- Commissioned a 19-foot gold statue of a dog
He was seen as a modernizer, but behind the image, the state remained a prison. Torture, disappearances, internet censorship, and propaganda all continued under his watch.
Forced Labor and State Slavery
Cotton, once the pride of the Soviet economy, remains Turkmenistan’s main agricultural product. And it is still harvested using forced labor.
Every year from September to November, teachers, doctors, and civil servants are ordered into the fields to pick cotton. Those who refuse are fined, fired, or worse. Even the sick and pregnant are not exempt. Some parents send children to fill quotas.
According to human rights groups, this practice amounts to systemic modern-day slavery. The elites get rich; the people get quotas.
The Firewall of Fear
Turkmenistan bans most of the internet. YouTube, Facebook, Twitter (X), TikTok, and news sites like the BBC are blocked. VPNs are illegal. Citizens who attempt to bypass government firewalls are arrested, fined, or jailed.
Those who gain access find a sanitized internet where only pro-Turkmenistan stories are allowed. According to state media:
- Life is improving daily
- Foreign dignitaries adore Turkmenistan
- Critics are corrupt, foreign-backed traitors
Yet in 2024, signs of rebellion flickered. Citizens used WhatsApp and Instagram proxies, and even state media began cautiously reporting on minor government corruption.
The New Dynasty – Serdar Takes Power
In 2022, Gurbanguly stepped aside and handed power to his son, Serdar Berdimuhamedov, who won a sham election with 72.9% of the vote.
He now rules in what appears to be a hereditary dictatorship. The state media calls him the “Son of the Nation“—a new title for a new face, but the script remains the same.
Oil, Gas, and Global Leverage
Turkmenistan has the fourth-largest natural gas reserves in the world. 50% of its GDP comes from gas exports. Over 80% of that gas now goes to China.
In 2023, Turkmenistan’s GDP reached an all-time high of $60.6 billion. Yet the vast majority of the population sees none of this wealth.
Instead, billions are siphoned into offshore accounts controlled by the ruling family and elite insiders. Monumental vanity projects, like the $3.3 billion “Smart City” and $60 million golden statues, continue to appear while basic goods are rationed.
Food shortages are hidden behind staged photos of overflowing grocery shelves. Foreign aid is blocked. Dissent is crushed.
The Future of Fantasyland
With a young, photogenic, English-speaking dictator now in power, Turkmenistan is likely to enter a new phase of authoritarian PR. One that retains the repression, but softens the optics.
But no matter how many rap songs are sung, no matter how many marble palaces are built or statues erected, reality remains:
Turkmenistan is a nation where:
- Torture is used to silence critics
- Journalists disappear
- Forced labor fills cotton quotas
- Elections are fiction
- And freedom is an illusion
The world may not see it. The world may not care. But for the 7 million people trapped inside this dystopian dream, every day is survival.
FAQ – Turkmenistan: The World’s Most Insane Dictatorship
Q: Is Turkmenistan really worse than North Korea?
In many rankings, yes. According to Freedom House, Turkmenistan is tied with South Sudan as the least free country in the world.
Q: What is the Ruhnama?
A pseudo-religious book written by Niyazov that all citizens were once forced to study. It replaced education in many schools and was said to guarantee paradise.
Q: Is internet access allowed?
Limited and censored. Most global news and social media are blocked. VPNs are illegal.
Q: What are some bizarre bans in Turkmenistan?
Black cars, dogs in the capital, gold teeth, foreign music at weddings, makeup on TV, and even air conditioners.
Q: What’s the economic situation like?
Turkmenistan has vast gas wealth, but the profits are monopolized by elites. Food shortages and poverty are widespread.
Q: Is there any hope for change?
With dynastic power and total media control, change is unlikely without internal revolution or external pressure. That said, small cracks have started to appear.
Q: Who rules Turkmenistan now?
Serdar Berdimuhamedov, son of the previous president. He won a 2022 election widely considered fraudulent.
Q: Is tourism allowed?
Technically yes, but it’s heavily controlled. Independent travel is difficult. Most tourists must be accompanied by guides.
Q: Can people leave the country?
Leaving Turkmenistan is extremely difficult. Many citizens are blacklisted without explanation, even if they have valid passports and tickets.
